Warning: This is a complete rant...
This last week I've just been blah. Honestly there is no other way to put it. I know I've been sick, but I've just been sleeping a lot or doing nothing after work. And I hate that I do nothing. I hate not being busy. And I guess it is finally getting to me. I miss doing things, I miss going out with friends, I miss climbing two nights a week. I hate that I come home from work, eat dinner, watch tv, go online or read/knit and then go to sleep. I want to do things!
I guess I'm just lonely. I have friends here, but I don't have friends, if you know what I mean. I miss the close friendships I had in college, just sitting around someone's room talking/watching movies/distracting each other from writing papers. Not doing anything in particular, just being around each other. I don't really have anything like that anymore and I miss it. I have my friends from the mountaineering who are great, but they are all so busy with college and life that we don't meet up besides hiking on Sunday's and the pub on Wednesday's (besides Karen who I meet up with for lunch once a week). The girls from work are great, but we don't really meet up outside work, besides drinks about once a month. Brenda and I have become great friends, but she is in her final year and piled with college work but we still meet up once a week to do something. Her and I have become pretty good friends and I wish we still lived together. And I really don't know what happened with Kara and my friendship... we've drifted apart since the summer. And I guess I just miss just hanging out with people randomly, not making specific plans to do something.
So I know that's been kinda lingering since before I went home, and I guess after being home and coming back, I just feel alone, right now. And not doing anything the last few days and especially today just made me sad. I slept in late today, which I know my body needed. But then I just read (I'm reading Sense and Sensibility) watched some crappy TV and was online. While part of me feels like I'm miserable here right know (I've even thought about going back at the end of February) I know I would be even more miserable leaving early. I know part of me is mad, because I feel like I'm wasting time, and I only have a little bit left here. I figured I have about 73 days left. And I want to make the most of it, because I do love it here, I'm just having a rough few days. So I'm going to be making up a list of things I have to do before I leave.
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So I'm going to have a good day tomorrow! I'm not hiking because I'm still kinda sick and the weather isn't the best and I'd rather not be sick for the next month. So I'm going into town and running some errands I wanted to do today and I'm going to go to my favourite coffee shop and sit and people watch and read.
In other news, I got a good email from my thesis adviser, which hinted at the possibility of a journal publication from my thesis. Another professor in the department wanted a copy of my thesis, and he is one of the editors for a journal, so maybe. Which reminds me I want to work on creating a journal article for my thesis to send to another journal. And I applied to two independent school teacher agencies, I was accepted into one (which I've known about for a while and things are moving forward, I've talked with them and they have some of my letters of rec) and I just found out Friday I wasn't accepted into the second one (which surprised me, but oh well). And I'm getting busy planning for the roomies visit and our adventure to Spain!
So to end this on a happy note: 10 things I am happy about
-college roomie visiting me and we are going to Spain
-gingersnap cookies my grandma made me and I've been eating today
-it is not snowing in Ireland
-I'm living my dream of living in Ireland
- how amazing my hot water bottle is
- that I've been listening to Taylor Swift nonstop today
- Baltimore just won 13-10
- that I have an entire shelf full of goldfish, sour patch kids, peanut butter & ranch dressing...
- that I can watch my favourite TV shows online
- gchat messages
5 comments:
You know? This is a post I feel like I could have written. Except that whole, being in Ireland part. That's not me. But I understand what you mean about just feeling 'blah', and right now I'm sick too. And I miss university days, probably far more than I should. So, you are definitely not alone.
I hope that you feel better soon lovely! (And I love peanut butter in ridiculous and unhealthy amounts) :)
Hi there! Yes, you are living my parallel life, most definitely. I can completely relate. It's one of those things where you dream of living abroad... but the reality is that you probably aren't going to find those people that can be such close and casual friends in a year. Or, at least, I didn't. Okay, maybe one. I wonder if it's also an American thing to want because the only other people I found who enjoyed the sortof free flowing unstructured "hanging out" that we're talking about were other North Americans. Hang in there!
Making good friends gets so much tougher after college! I know what you mean about wanting the kind of friends who will just come over and watch TV or even do school work with you--no real conversation necessary, just a comfort kind of thing. I don't really have that where I currently live either.
I thought about living and possibly teaching abroad. It's still something I think about doing somday. It takes guts to just pick up and move across an ocean. You are very brave. When you get home, things will go back to "normal" and I'm sure you'll look back at your time in Ireland feeling SO GLAD and proud of yourself for doing it.
I hope you feel better soon! Keep listening to Taylor Swift :)
I know exactly how you feel! This semester, while living at home, I had some friends around me- but not really like "hang out and do nothing" kind of friends. It was mostly friends that involved making plans, actually going out and doing something, etc. It's really hard to not be around people all day long. My mom worked every day up until her surgery in October, so I would be home alone until about 4 or 5pm... counting down the minutes until she got home so that I wouldn't be sitting alone. It felt pathetic, but I guess everyone goes through a phase like that :)
And that's awesome that you have a self full of those awesome things!! Sour Patch Kids are the best!!
Just like everyone else who has commented, I know just how you feel...the same thing happened to me when all my close flatmates (who were in their fist year while I was visiting my 3rd) graduated the year before I went back to do a masters. So everyone I was close to had moved back to their home villiages/towns and I spent many bored nights watching BB and wishing I wasn't so sad for it. I always found mini-holiday helped. If I had a free day or weekend, I would just get on the train to go somewhere new. It was an adventure and helped me feel as though I was keeping thing fresh, without draining my bank account.
xx
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